


Captain America’s New Uniform (by Fluffy)

by FluffyIsACatGirl (fabricdragon)



Series: Fan fic by fanfic characters [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Embarrassment, Gen, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 14:44:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8671528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricdragon/pseuds/FluffyIsACatGirl
Summary: A humorous  one off, where Loki throws a spell and it hits the wrong target.hi jinks ensueAnother of of my fan fic character 's one offs (Fluffy)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Will You Walk Into My Parlor](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472677) by [fabricdragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabricdragon/pseuds/fabricdragon). 



 

The Avengers were fighting Loki, again.

Loki was apparently blasting random things and making snarky comments, again.

This was becoming enough of a regular occurrence that several New Yorkers, priding themselves on being blasé about everything, no longer even looked up from their lattes.

Loki aimed a green bolt of energy at his favorite target, Iron Man, and vanished. He probably never saw that it hit Captain America instead.

Captain America flashed green, but otherwise nothing seemed to happen. Everyone agreed it was probably meant to affect the suit.  Oh, well….

The next day at the requisite press conference, Black Widow strolled over to Captain America. “That’s a new look.”

“What is?”

“Shorts.”

He looked around confusedly. “Shorts?”

She sipped her coffee and looked at everyone else on the team.  Everyone else looked confused, so she walked off.

“Weird,” Iron Man said.

“She’s just yanking your chain, bro,” said Hawkeye.

Everyone agreed that was probably it, although there was some debate about why she was buying copies of every paper that covered the press conference.

After that… Captain America was starting to wonder what kind of long term prank she was playing.

She kept looking at him before, during, and after the press conferences and stifling giggles.  Meanwhile, a few reporters seem to have turned into rabid paparazzi.  He didn’t see why; most of the photos were never published.

“Eh, press are like that,” Iron Man said, slapping him on the shoulder during movie night. “Probably hoping to get a picture where you have a goofy expression, or are picking your nose.”

It was a week later that Hawkeye almost choked on his coffee as they got together for a mission briefing. “CAP!”

“What?”

“Forgot something?!” Hawkeye sounded strangled.

Everyone else looked confused, but Black Widow grabbed him by the elbow and whispered in his ear, “If you say one more word, I‑and every female agency member‑will gut you.”

He just stared at her.

“What’s the problem?” Iron Man asked blankly.

“Nothing,” Black Widow said. “He thought it was Captain’s turn to get donuts.”

“Oh? Was it? Gee, I’m sorry, Hawkeye…” When he turned around to go get donuts, Hawkeye choked and had to be patted on the back a lot by Widow.

Iron Man eventually noticed that the press conferences had become standing room only: mostly female, but not exclusively, and they were NOT looking at him, which was horrible.

“Have you noticed that half the reporters forget to take pictures?”  He asked grumpily.

“No, hadn’t noticed,” Black Widow said into her coffee and elbowed Hawkeye.

“Huh?!” Hawkeye had been daydreaming or something, looking off in Captain America’s direction. “Noticed? Noticed what?”

Everyone else said they HAD noticed.

One of the agency men finally managed to say, “I think it’s the way you part your hair…” at Captain America and sort of fled the room.

Iron Man went over every photo, but couldn’t figure out what Captain had done differently to his hair.

He thought about the evidence…

After that first time, Widow hadn’t bought any more papers.  There were usually a flurry of hits on news conferences, but… no one went back to them, no re-watches.  And the live audiences were getting unmanageable.

After the next battle‑ when he’d had to drag several civilians out of the way because they just STOOD there, staring at Captain America, instead of moving like sensible people‑ he cornered Widow.

“Ok, I have no idea what’s going on, but it has to stop.”

“Well,” she said thoughtfully. “Yes, yes, I suppose it does.” She stood up. “Team meeting.”

 

Only a few people were looking at Black Widow as she stood up to speak.  Iron Man looked around: over the past few weeks, some senior agency people had pulled strings and replaced the usual crowd in their briefings; they were mostly looking at the Captain.  The Captain was looking at Widow, so he didn’t notice.

Iron Man stood up. “HEY!”

Everyone looked over at him, startled.

“You know, I thought I was an asshole, but when Widow has a meeting called, stop looking at the team leader like he’s gotta approve what she says, it’s rude!”

There were a lot of apologies, and Widow smiled, “Thank you.”

Iron man heard a mutter of, “Well, HE’s straight.”

“Lately,” Widow said, “people have been gathering at press conferences, and getting in the way at battles…”

There was a lot of coughing.  Iron Man looked around suspiciously.

Widow looked solemnly at Captain America. “It… took me a while to realize the truth.”

Hawkeye stared at her, “What?! You were the first!”

She elbowed him in the guts.

“I think I figured it out.  It’s your suit.”

“Aww, don’t TELL him…” came from the back of the room; everyone glared. Widow gave them a frosty look.

“My suit?” asked Captain America.

“When Loki aimed at Iron Man that last time? And hit you?”

“Nothing happened,”  he said earnestly.

“I think,” Black Widow said, GLARING death at everyone for some reason, “that something did. I notice you get normal reactions in your other clothes, but when you’re in your suit everyone acts oddly.”

Iron Man thought about it. _That was true_.  In fact…

“You know, people have been asking him to come to exercise sessions in his suit…” He looked pointedly at Hawkeye and four of the agency women.

Widow sipped her coffee,.“I think it was supposed to be a love spell.”

Iron Man noticed everyone staring at her.

“THAT… was supposed to be a love spell…” one of the senior agency women sputtered.

“It works…” said one of the younger men, staring at Captain America dreamily.

“You should just try changing into your replacement suit, Captain, and see if it helps.” Widow smiled and walked out.

Iron Man heard several mutters of “Bitch.” as they went out.

 

Captain America went to the next press conference in a different suit: half the crowd started crying.

Everything pretty well went back to normal.  They even got their normal agency people back, who had apparently been abruptly reassigned.

 

It was several weeks later that Iron Man managed to get Widow alone.

“Ok, seriously. What was going on?”

“You didn’t notice anything?”

“I noticed a few people muttering that I was straight, which is true, and I noticed the majority of the ‘love spell’ victims  liked guys, but that just makes sense… although I admit Hawkeye surprised me.”

Widow nodded. “I’ve been getting death threats for making him change his suit, but… people were starting to get out of hand.”

“So what WAS going on?” he asked.

“Ever heard the story of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’?”

“Yeah, it’s really nothing but a scam and no one says anything because it’s a good scam.”

“His suit started turning invisible after Loki’s spell hit it.”

“You…” He stared at her. “The photos?”

“Show a perfectly normal suit.  I realized it the first day when the legs of his outfit were gone in person, but showed up fine in photos.”

“You mean he’s…”

“Been doing all his press conferences and fighting in the nude, yes.”

Iron Man looked thoughtful, “But you don’t see it if you don’t have any interest that way.”

“Right.”

“I guess you couldn’t tell him that.”

“No.”

Iron Man thought for a few moments. “Hey, that was aimed at me?”

She shrugged, “Who knows if it would have had the same effect? It hit someone who wasn’t the target.”

“It was kind of you to spare his feelings. I hope he never finds out,” Iron Man nodded.

“Kind. Sure. Whatever you say.” She smiled.

 

After that, every month a team of  agency people,  Black Widow, and Hawkeye‑ if Widow thought he’d been good‑  brought the suit back and had Captain America try it on ‘to see if it had worn off yet’.


End file.
